Staci J. Shelton

What we choose to eat, watch, listen to, read, Google and download not only speaks to who we are, it shapes us. We don't just consume it, we eventually become it. People can "see" what we consume by the way act, react, respond, speak, dress and live.

Want a different life? Look at your mental, digital, physical and emotional menus and adjust your diet.

Bon appetit!

I think they're actually opposites.

Anger and angry actions don't leave you empowered. They leave you depleted. All you're doing is giving your power to someone else.

There are a few ways to enjoy the waters of life being fully immersed in the experience. We can sail and be carried through calm or storm from shore to shore. We can swim, being fully in the water, moving with and a against the flow and make progress while being one with the environment. We can surf, experiencing the adrenaline and thrill of riding the waves.

But sometimes, we just tread water, barely moving.

We lack confidence, and see others as somehow "bigger" than us..."better" than us we look to these bigger, better people and say, "What do YOU think of me?", "What do YOU think I should do with my life?"

Or we do it silently by meandering through life with no direction and getting nothing done. Well meaning people who see our "potential" watch us treading, or worse, drowning in a sea of distraction and discouragement, then throw in life savers in the form of their suggestions to save us. None of that resonates, because it's from their observations, influences, fears and dreams and not our own souls. So, we pass, and either keep treading water never getting to the other side or give up and sink to settle at the bottom.

I've decided that the freedom of charting my own course, swimming to the other side or riding the wave, spills and all is what I choose

Following the song in my heart is better than being pulled to the wrong shore.

You know what you want. You'll be shown what to do. Decide where to go. You'll be given guidance to arrive safely. Choose. If you make a mistake, or end up slightly or even completely off-course, learn from that and choose again: make the same choice with a few tweaks or make a different choice altogether. It's okay.

Trust LIFE and yourself. It's your life. Lead it mistakes and all, or be led unhappily into living someone else's dreams for you, instead of your own. No one can tell you who you should be.

Failure is nothing more than not getting the desired outcome the first time around. No one who is doing what we dream of doing started out doing it perfectly. They just didn't quit when "failure" showed up. ~Staci J. Shelton

We teach our children that the B, C, D, and dreaded F, means that they are inferior  or not worthy of moving forward and getting what they want.  We've carried this philosophy into everything that we do.  If we don't get an "A" the first time around, we're taught to give up and face the fact that we may not be cut out for or deserving of what we're going after. This philosophy creates a lifestyle of quitting, abdicating dreams and loss of hope.

The philosophy that failure is evidence of a lack of potential and talent is patently false.  Failure isn't really all that bad.  Although not getting what we want isn't always pleasant, it fuels us, gives us drive and an opportunity to be creative, analytical and innovative. It's an essential part of the learning process and necessary for true growth and improvement.  We embrace and encourage it when our children are very small, but we shift and move away from it when we get older.  When children learn to walk or ride a bike, we expect failure.  We expect them to fail. We anticipate it and encourage them to get up, learn and start over with the knowledge gained. It's going back to that fundamental ideology that will help us turn failure around.

Failure is an opportunity for learning, growth, improvement and transformation.  The key to transforming failure, is in what we do when we fail.

Here are the steps to help you embrace and transform failure and use it as the path to success.

Step 1: Regroup You failed to get the job, botched the presentation, didn't make the sale, ended the relationship.  The first thing to do is regroup.  Let's be honest, not getting what we want feels awful. Process the feelings, forgive yourself and take a break. Give yourself time to emotinally process what just happened or did not happen.  Acknowledge how you feel, what you you didn't like, and, more importantly, identify how you want things to go next time,  Without taking time to regroup, you run the risk of making decisions born out of fear, doubt,  anger, panic or a combination of them all.  Breathe and remind yourself that no one is a raging success immediately. Trial and error are all part of the journey.

Step 2: Review This is where the work begins.  Take a look at everything involving the failed venture.  What happened before during and after the process?  What worked? Even if you feel that the entire project bombed, when you look back at it, there is always something that worked. What positive feedback did you get?  What did you feel good about? What things went extremely well?  Note those all of those things. This boosts your confidence and helps you look objectively at part two of the review process, looking at the things that did not go so well.  What snags did you encounter? What things didn't work at all?  What things worked but could have worked much better if done differently? Take notes and then, move onto to Step 3.

Step 3: Redesign  This is the time and place to make adjustments and improvements. Keep what worked, change what didn't and redesign your experience. If it's a relationship, maybe the thing you learned is that you listen well, but that you didn't devote enough time to the relationship to make it successful.  You'll keep the listening, commit to spending more time with your spouse, child or friend and put it on the calendar.  You have reviewed and have a new plan for success.  Now you're ready to put it into action with Step 4.

Step 4: Relaunch  You can never be a success if you remain stuck in analysis and let the fact that the first, second, third or fifteenth venture wasn't a success.  Launch your new and improved product or process.  You must begin again...and again...and again.   

Evolution: Repeat  Success is an evolutionary experience. The cliche goes: "Success is not a destination, it's a journey," and it's true.  We can always improve, grow and learn.  As humans we are learning and tweaking things as we go along. After you regroup, review and redesign, you will create a better experience.  You will get feedback during the process and come up with epiphanies and insights.  We improve, become successful and proficient and as we do, our desired outcomes (and failures) evolve and change. So, while our failures may look different every time, this process is a proven formula for turning failure into success.

Above all, take it lightly.  We all fail.  All the time.  Not getting what we want offers opportunities to learn and develop. It's not avoiding failure that create success, it's what we do with the learning that counts.

Social Media gives us access to millions, allows us to spread a message and become internet celebrities.  It gets us noticed and gains us fans. But, who is  more valuable, friend or fan? On the surface, friends and fans can look a lot alike.  Having people follow you, applauding you and sharing your message can be a great confidence booster.  If you're looking to develop yourself and have long term success, while you may love your fans, you need your friends.

Want some light daily inspiration? Visit Love, Staci

Some of us have a love/hate relationship with success.  We may come from families where being poor was a synonym for honorable and “service” meant giving away everything you are good at for free.  We want more, but we either feel guilty, or are made to feel guilty by family and friends when we actually start to get or go after more. To avoid the pain of rejection from family and friends, we  give up or even sabotage our own success.  We identify a dream, start working and start seeing it come to fruition. Then,  fear success, failure, the unknown or of losing the love and support of those close to us sets in and we stop doing what will get us there. It’s like we feel like we need permission from a long lost teacher or parent in order to succeed. 

The permission we need most is from ourselves.